Latin

Author unknown

Minutus cantorum, minutus balorum, minutus carborata descendum pantorum.
A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants.

Imus ad magum Ozi videndum, magum Ozi mirum mirissimum.
We are going to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz.

Noster populus facit discrepantiam.
Our people make the difference.

Solum potestis prohibere ignes silvarum.
Only you are can prevent forest fires.

Fac ut gaudeam.
Make my day.

Sola lingua bona est lingua mortua.
The only good language is a dead language.

Ad eundum quo nemo ante iit.
To boldly go where no man has gone before.

Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis.
You do not know the power of the dark side.

Sit vis nobiscum.
May the force be with you.

Tauri in decurso.
Bulls on parade.

Quaeso esto meus vicinus.
Please won't you be my neighbor.

Clamo, clamatis, omnes clamamus pro glace lactis.
I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.

Magnus frater spectat te...
Big Brother is watching you....

Monstra mihi pecuniam!
Show me the money!

Habetis bona deum.
Have a nice day.

Die dulci fruere.
Have a nice day.

Mihi ignosce. Cum homine de cane debeo congredi.
Excuse me. I've got to see a man about a dog.

Si hoc signum legere potes, operis boni in rebus Latinus alacribus et fructuosis potiri potes!
If you can read this sign, you can get a good job in the fast-paced, high-paying world of Latin!

Sona si Latine loqueris.
Honk if you speak Latin.

Ne auderis delere orbem rigidum meum!
Don't you dare erase my hard disk!

Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.
I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head.

Gramen artificiosum odi.
I hate Astroturf.

Furnulum pani nolo.
I don't want a toaster.

Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.
I think some people in togas are plotting against me.

Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione.
I'm not interested in your dopey religious cult.

Noli me vocare, ego te vocabo.
Don't call me, I'll call you.

Cave ne ante ullas catapultas ambules.
If I were you, I wouldn't walk in front of any catapults.

Canis meus id comedit.
My dog ate it.

Illiud Latine dici non potest.
You can't say that in Latin.

Vidistine nuper imagines moventes bonas?
Seen any good movies lately?

Non curo. Si metrum non habet, non est poema.
I don't care. If it doesn't rhyme, it isn't a poem.

Braccae illae virides cum subucula rosea et tunica Caledonia-quam elenganter concinnatur!
Those green pants go so well with that pink shirt and the plaid jacket!

Visne saltare? Viam Latam Fungosam scio.
Do you want to dance? I know the Funky Broadway.

Re vera, potas bene.
Say, you sure are drinking a lot.

Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant!
May barbarians invade your personal space!

Utinam coniurati te in foro interficiant!
May conspirators assassinate you in the mall!

Utinam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant!
May faulty logic undermine your entire philosophy!

Radix lecti.
Couch potato.

Quo signo nata es?
What's your sign?

Romani quidem artem amatoriam invenerunt.
You know, the Romans invented the art of love.

Spero nos familiares mansuros.
I hope we'll still be friends.

Mellita, domi adsum.
Honey, I'm home.

Tam exanimis quam tunica nehru fio.
I am as dead as the nehru jacket.

Ventis secundis, tene cursum.
Go with the flow.

Totum dependeat.
Let it all hang out.

Te precor dulcissime supplex!
Pretty please with a cherry on top!

Magister Mundi sum!
I am the Master of the Universe!

Fac me cocleario vomere!
Gag me with a spoon!

Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure.
I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear.

Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?
Is that a scroll in your toga, or are you just happy to see me?

Prehende uxorem meam, sis!
Take my wife, please!

Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Nihil est--in vita priore ego imperator Romanus fui.
That's nothing--in a previous life I was a Roman Emperor.

Aio, quantitas magna frumentorum est.
Yes, that is a very large amount of corn.

Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem!
Stand aside plebians! I am on imperial business.

Oblitus sum perpolire clepsydras!
I forgot to polish the clocks!

Sic faciunt omnes.
Everyone is doing it.

Vacca foeda.
Stupid cow.

Fac ut vivas.
Get a life.

Anulos qui animum ostendunt omnes gestemus!
Let's all wear mood rings!

Insula Gilliganis.
Gilligan's Island.

Vescere bracis meis.
Eat my shorts.

Lege atque lacrima.
Read 'em and weep.

Stultus est sicut stultus facit.
Stupid is as stupid does.

Cum catapultae proscriptae erat, tum soli proscript catapultas habeunt.
If catapaults are outlawed, then only outlaws will have catapaults.

Raptus regaliter.
Royally screwed.

Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat.
It's not the heat, it's the humidity.

Di! Ecce hora! Uxor mea me necabit!
God, look at the time! My wife will kill me!

Lex clavatoris designati rescindenda est.
The designated hitter rule has got to go.

Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris.
If Caesar were alive, you'd be chained to an oar.

Animadvertistine, ubicumque stes, fumum recta in faciem ferri?
Ever noticed how wherever you stand, the smoke goes right into your face?

Viri sunt Viri.
Men are slime.

Vacca, vacca, vacca. (fozzie bear)
Cow, cow, cow.

Id est mihi, id non est tibi!
It is mine, not yours!

Tempus incognitum.
Time unknown.

Labera lege...
Read my lips...

Credo Elvem etiam vivere.
I believe Elvis lives.

Si hoc legere scis, nimium eruditionis habes.
If you can read this, you have too much education.

Si tu id aeficas, ei venient. Ager Somnia
If you build it, they will come. Field of Dreams

Cogito, ergo sum.
I think, therefore I am.

Sum, ergo edo.
I am, therefore I eat.

Cogito, ergo doleo.
I think, therefore I am depressed.

Cogito sumere potum alterum.
I think I'll have another drink.

Noli nothis permittere te terere.
Don't let the bastards get you down.

Duc, sequere, aut de via decede.
Lead, follow, or get out of the way.

Paucis verbis, quid est deconstructionismus?
What, in a nutshell, is deconstructionism?

Qualem muleirculam!
What a bimbo!

Qualem blennum!
What a doofus!

Lagunculae leydianae non accedunt.
Batteries not included.

Hoc nomen meum verum non est.
This isn't my real name.

Revera linguam latinam vix cognovi.
I don't really know all that much Latin.

Ubi est mea anaticula cumminosa?
Where's my rubber ducky?

Volo anaticulam cumminosam meam!
I want my rubber ducky!

Appareo Decet Nihil Munditia?
Is It Not Nifty?

O! Plus! Perge! Aio! Hui! Hem!
Oh! More! Go on! Yes! Ooh! Ummm!

Valui ad satanam in computatrum meum invocandum.
I succeeded in summoning satan into my computer.

Isto pensitaris?
You get paid for this crap?

Absum!
I'm outta here!

Me oportet propter praeceptum te nocere.
I'm going to have to hurt you on principle.

Orbes Volantes Exstare.
Flying saucers are real.

Latro! Fremo!
Woof woof! Grrrr!

Balaenae Nobis Conservandae Sunt!
Save the whales!

Heus, hic nos omnes in agmine sunt!
Hey, we're all in line here!

Non, mihi ignosce, credo me insequentem esse.
No, excuse me, I believe I'm next.

Nonne de novo eboraco venis?
You're from New York, aren't you?

Abutebaris modo subjunctivo denuo...
You've been misusing the subjunctive again...

Huc accedit Zambonis!
Here comes the Zamboni!

Nemo hic adest illius nominis.
There is no one here by that name.

Ita erat quando hic adveni.
It was that way when I got here.

Conlige suspectos semper habitos
Round up the usual suspects

Certe, toto, sentio nos in kansate non iam adesse.
You know, Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.

Me transmitte sursum, caledoni.
Beam me up, Scotty.

Pretium iustum est.
The Price is Right.

Nihil declaro.
I have nothing to declare.

Nescio quid dicas.
I don't know what you're talking about.

Alterum ictum faciam.
I'm going to take a mulligan.

Lapsus Nivium!
Avalanche!

Quid est illa in auqua?
What's that in the water?

Pistrix! Pistrix!
Shark! Shark!

Furnulum pani nolo.
I don't want a toaster.

Latine loqui coactus sum.
I have this compulsion to speak Latin.

Machina improba! Vel mihi ede potum vel mihi redde nummos meos!
You infernal machine! Give me a beverage or give me my money back!

Ut si!
As if!

Noli me vocate, ego te vocabo.
Don't call me, I'll call you.

Non sum pisces.
I am not a fish.

Vah! Denuone Latine loquebar? Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur.
Oh! Was I speaking Latin again? Silly me. Sometimes it just sort of slips out.

Non est mea culpa.
It's not my fault.

Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.
When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults.

Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem.
In the good old days, children like you were left to perish on windswept crags.

Quomodo cogis comas tuas sic videri?
How do you get your hair to do that?

Feles mala!
Bad kitty!

Neutiquam erro.
I am not lost.

Hocine bibo aut in eum digitos insero?
Do I drink this or stick my fingers in it?

Brevior saltare cum deformibus mulieribus est vita.
Life is too short to dance with ugly women.

Brevior saltare cum deformibus viris est vita.
Life is too short to dance with ugly men.

Revera linguam latinam vix cognovi.
I don't really know all that much Latin.

Sed quis custodiet ipsos Custodes?
Who guards the Guardians?

Nemo me impune lacessit.
No one provokes me with impunity.

Nascentes morimur.
From the moment we are born, we die.

Oderint dum metuant.
Let them hate provided that they fear.

Sensu stricto, nullo metro compositum est.
Strictly speaking, it doesn't rhyme.

Nullo metro compositum est.
It doesn't rhyme.

Richard dot J dot Wagner at gmail dot com