After swimming I went to the arbor bars at the Natatorium to do pullups. Click the image to see the full size version.
On the way back I saw the seals entering the water.
Christian and his wife and kids arrived at the Sheraton in Waikiki.
Andrea and I went to the Kahala Hotel for a meeting with the Maile Room fundraiser planning committee.
Susan took this one with her phone, propped on the ceramic sculpture, on a timer.
Waiting onboard for departure.
Heading out the channel past Portlock.
We were moored off Kuli'ou'ou. Saw lots of big turtles on the bottom and surface.
Photo by a fellow boat passenger on Christian's phone.
Christian sent me this video of snorkeling with the turtles he put together later.
Thursday afternoon I photographed our Herb Kane painting of a wa'a lua.
Andrea took this photo of a maiapilo flower in our front yard on Thursday evening.
Dear Global Liberal Cannibalistic Pedophile Conspiracy:Please accept this letter as my resignation from the Conspiracy. As of today, my bar tab has been fully paid and I have returned my ceremonial cloak of deepest-red velvet, so deep as to be black, to Glen at the front desk.
I write this with a heavy heart. Joining the G.L.C.P.C. was a dream come true, and yet just last year I was starting to think that maybe there was no global leftist cabal that ate babies as part of a satanic rite in order to gain immortality and, through control of the media and the banks, impose a New World Order and also run child-prostitution rings. I had been working in Hollywood for years, intentionally producing youth-corrupting garbage TV in the hope of getting noticed by the Conspiracy. From a networking standpoint, you guys are next level, and, at the time, I was trying to make the pivot into feature films.
So I was relieved to wake up one midnight, unable to move, to find a sulfurous imp (aglow on its forehead the Greek letter eta: “H,” for “Hillary”) crawling into my mouth. After that, of course, I was able to understand the coded messages you were sending through C-span, pop culture, and Wordle. A few weeks later, I was listening to “All Too Well (Taylor’s Version),” and there, hidden in the part about the refrigerator, was my invitation to the 2021 Feast of the Innocents-slash-orgy in the crypt under the Lincoln Memorial!
Since then, I have been an active and involved member of the G.L.C.P.C. It was my idea that we stop using “cheese pizza” as code for “child prostitute” at the pizzerias that we own around the world as fronts for child prostitution. I’m proud to say that incidences of confused Little League teams accidentally being given child prostitutes are way down. I also was the one to suggest that maybe “Q” from QAnon is that guy Quentin who was always taking pictures with his phone. And, later that evening, I helped Oprah and Pope Francis drown him. I got a high five from Oprah!
And yet I never felt entirely welcome. Clearly, my choice not to participate in the rite of eating human babies and drinking their blood has held me back. Which I find hypocritical. As I said during the interview process, it shouldn’t matter what I eat; isn’t the whole point of the Conspiracy to create a better world, one of tolerance and inclusion? Where a dog can marry a car and there are zero guns and the Thought Police punish Wrong-Think®? At the time, Hillary Herself stood and applauded those sentiments (I was quoting her, but still), and then everyone started clapping and then it turned into an orgy.
In reality, those noble ideals go only so far. I soon came to feel like a pariah. I was frequently left out of inside jokes about ritualistic baby-eating. At dinners, I somehow always found myself seated next to fucking Mark Zuckerberg. I was Mop Boy at three orgies in a row. And then, at the Gathering of the Cabal last Wednesday, as the line was forming before the Slaking Altar, Tom Hanks (he was wearing a brass goat head, but I’m pretty sure it was Hanks) noticed me standing off to the side and said, “What a baby. I guess we should eat him next!” This got a big laugh (although it was kind of a kissing-ass, I-think-that’s-Hanks-under-there laugh). Needless to say, I left early, even though the Rothschilds had brought a “special surprise” that turned out to be solid-gold live birds.
As I walked back home through the secret tunnels under the Denver airport, I found myself wondering, Is this really how we’re going to make a better world? By worshipping the Devil and eating babies? Yes, I know that eating babies and drinking their blood grants us immortality. Except . . . does it? Since I joined the G.L.C.P.C., so many people have told me about Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s “epic” final Feast and Slaking. How she ate “so much baby” and drank “so much blood.” And then the next day she died. The other night, Senator Feinstein basically had to be carried up the schist steps to the Basin. She did not look super immortal. And President Biden wasn’t even there, because he’d fallen off a couch earlier that day.
Which brings me to the real reason I have to resign. I don’t think any of it is working. Not just the “immortality by way of cannibalism.” The whole damn thing. Are we any closer to a socialist-plutocratic New World Order than when we started? The Gathering was a chance to reassure members that the Conspiracy is not completely off the rails, but even the Treasurer’s report was alarming—why does the portfolio have so much crypto?! Do we control the economy or not? And the video highlighting our recent achievements was flat-out depressing. I’m glad that cigarette use in movies is down and soccer continues to gain in popularity, but that really doesn’t convince me that all the baby-eating is worth it. And, if we’re just spinning our wheels despite the direct support of Satan Himself (who frankly seemed pretty rattled about our progress), then maybe we should all be rethinking the G.L.C.P.C.
In closing, I do hope you’ll keep me in mind for any future global conspiracies. And please let me know when you might have time to discuss my screenplay.
By Robert Carlock, July 18, 2022, Copyright by New Yorker magazine.
There were several policemen there.
At the aquarium two nice young women volunteers took our group photos on the green screen.
One background with a monk seal.
Shakas, everyone!
Porpoises, oh my.
We went into the aquarium exhibits to look at the fish.
Nick watched the sharks.
We stopped at Diamond Head, the Lanai lookout and at the Makapu'u lookout.
We went boogie boarding at Bellows.
We stopped for lunch at Zippy's on the way back.
Ash made a red bracelet.
The chess lesson.
Lizard.
Nick holds a buffo toad that was caught by that person.
Andrea took this photo.
Screen capture from the Tuesday evening meeting.
The view of Koko Head from our table on Roy's lanai.
The bartender didn't know about zombies, invented by Don the Beachcomber, inventor of the mai tai, so we had mai tais. Photo by Andrea.
Birthday dessert. Thanks, Roy! He came by the table and said hello and birthday congrats. Photo by Andrea.
Jenny and Keala made me a kukui leaf lei, wrapped in ti leaves. Photo by Joleen.
Jenny put the lei on me and gave me a kiss! Photo by Keala.
With keala and Jenny.
I stood and thanked everyone for coming and talked about the number 73. It's a prime and a binary palindrome.
I put out seating for 18 and we filled it.
I sat for a while at the table with Randy, Matt, and Diane.
Alan and Karen came just a bit later.
Andrea made robot shaped pieces of cheese and I devoured a few.
People came inside to get birthday cake.
Electrically lit birthday cake. Photo by Keala.
The meeting was well attended.
I talked about my Chinese banyan bonsai. Photo by Andrea.
Thanks for the birthday cards!
Tuesday, at mid-day, Dell computer repairman Scott replaced my motherboard under warranty. The USB C port had failed on the right side.
It took an hour, and I supplied him with a bandaid after he cut his finger opening the laptop. Purchased last May, it's a Dell XPS 15 9520
with 16 gig RAM and Intel core i7.
Wednesday morning our water lily was looking spectacular. I don't normally take pictures of flowers, but Andrea insisted.
Thursday morning Andrea took another great picture of the maiapilo with a bee. In the afternoon, we went to Straub so I could see Dr. Okazaki.
After our swim, I did pullups on the arbor bars and then walked to the Diamond Head end of the beach and took this photo.
Andrea took this one as I returned to our place on the sand.
Thursday morning, August 25, we both went to the beach and swam.
Why Did God Create Atheists?
There is a famous story told in Chassidic literature that addresses this very question. The Master teaches the student that God created everything in the world to be appreciated, since everything is here to teach us a lesson.
One clever student asks “What lesson can we learn from atheists? Why did God create them?”
The Master responds “God created atheists to teach us the most important lesson of them all — the lesson of true compassion. You see, when an atheist performs an act of charity, visits someone who is sick, helps someone in need, and cares for the world, he is not doing so because of some religious teaching. He does not believe that God commanded him to perform this act. In fact, he does not believe in God at all, so his acts are based on an inner sense of morality. And look at the kindness he can bestow upon others simply because he feels it to be right.”
“This means,” the Master continued “that when someone reaches out to you for help, you should never say ‘I pray that God will help you.’ Instead for the moment, you should become an atheist, imagine that there is no God who can help, and say ‘I will help you.’”
—Martin Buber, Tales of Hasidim Vol. 2 (1991)
Christian sent this photo of Nicko with the bag of coconut we sent for her birthday.
Monday morning Andrea and I went for a swim at Sans Souci. I saw these SCUBA tourists behind the aquarium.
Then we did lunch at the Hau Tree yesterday (formerly Hau Tree Lanai). It's actually a lanai, so I don't know why they felt they had to change the name. They also removed the ancient balustrade so it's less secure and has less character. But tables farther back have slightly better views of the sand.
They have dwarf schefflera bonsai on the tables.
Andrea's photo of me.
The view from our table. Andrea wrote: I imagine they removed the railing to improve the view--the railing was in need of
attention anyhow and it was probably cheaper to simply remove it than to replace. I replied: I think code requires a railing
when the potential fall is more than three feet.
Email Richard dot J dot Wagner at gmail dot com